I think I’m always going to have to reserve a spot on the “Weight Loss Wagon”. I keep falling off. I liken it to being a regular at your usual hangout, and getting your usual spot. You go there weekly, order the same things, because you know they’re good for you…but every so often, you stray…trying out a new location, and although it can be fun for a bit, it distracts you from what’s right. How’s that for a convoluted analogy? But it makes sense. I know it’s better for me to stay on this path; weighing, measuring, logging my food, getting regular exercise…I know it’s what works for me. But every so often I take a different path. It might start with going out for dinner, or ordering pizza. Or convincing myself, man, I haven’t had McDonald’s in a long time, and before you know it, you’ve fallen off the wagon and it’s driving away, leaving you in its dust.
I wonder why it’s so hard to stay on? When it happens, I always ask myself, “Why do I self-sabotage? I thought I knew what was right?”. It usually happens when I get down to a certain weight, and it’s exciting! I’m happy to break through…and want to break through…but find myself falling off the wagon…eating something I shouldn’t, and BAM! Right back up a few pounds. I’ve broken through this weight before. So why is it so hard this time?
I was on a highly advertised, expensive weight loss program a couple years ago, and they basically branded it into my mind that even though you may have only gained a couple pounds, it’s still 2 or 3 pounds more than you should. And it should always be about losing big numbers every week. If you’re ever thinking of joining one of these programs, I strongly urge you to consider other alternatives. It really messed with me mentally, that’s for sure. Oh, I was thin, don’t get me wrong. I went from 265lbs and a size 22 down to a size 10. It was amazing! Now I fluctuate between a 12 & 14. Though this time, clothes are fitting differently then last time. I find it interesting, because to me, I just assumed I could wear a lot of my “skinny” clothes. But not all fit like they used to, even at the same size.
I don’t think I’ll ever know why I fall off the wagon, or “self-sabotage”. Maybe it’ll be a lifetime battle. Maybe it won’t. I have relief in knowing at least I’ve found what works for me now. I know what I need to do to lose weight and get healthy. Eat right. Measure, weigh & log what I eat. I need to exercise regularly. I need to stop making excuses for not working out or going for my run (currently working on the couch to 5K program)
I know what I need to do, I just have to do it.