1 Year Later

My boyfriend tells me that every year this will get easier, and I’m sure he’s right. But this first year has been tough. So many milestones, so many things I wish I could tell him, but I can’t. Not really.

A year ago today, I lost one of the most important men in my life. I know he’s in heaven, walking around the corral talking to his cattle. And he’s met up with all his friends who left before him playing crib, probably cheating to get a better hand. His boat is out on the lake, and he’s spending the afternoon catching fish. He’s riding Kino or another favorite horse.

Although I’m sure he’s at peace, I miss him every single day. I miss how he smelled, how he laughed and how the house shook when he sneezed.

I even miss him yelling at me when I wasn’t cutting the grass properly. Yup. I sure do. I would give anything to have 5 minutes with him and get a chance to say goodbye, something I never got the chance to do because I was working so far away.

I wonder if he’s proud of me. Maybe he’s disappointed. I’ll never know.

I hope James is right, I hope this gets easier.

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