My boyfriend tells me that every year this will get easier, and I’m sure he’s right. But this first year has been tough. So many milestones, so many things I wish I could tell him, but I can’t. Not really.
A year ago today, I lost one of the most important men in my life. I know he’s in heaven, walking around the corral talking to his cattle. And he’s met up with all his friends who left before him playing crib, probably cheating to get a better hand. His boat is out on the lake, and he’s spending the afternoon catching fish. He’s riding Kino or another favorite horse.
Although I’m sure he’s at peace, I miss him every single day. I miss how he smelled, how he laughed and how the house shook when he sneezed.
I even miss him yelling at me when I wasn’t cutting the grass properly. Yup. I sure do. I would give anything to have 5 minutes with him and get a chance to say goodbye, something I never got the chance to do because I was working so far away.
I wonder if he’s proud of me. Maybe he’s disappointed. I’ll never know.
I hope James is right, I hope this gets easier.